Would you say you are consistently happy?
What I mean by that is you wake up every day feeling energised and looking forward to the day ahead.
Some say… and I agree… that success without fulfilment isn’t success at all.
If there was a science of fulfilment and happiness what would it be?
Firstly, let’s look at why many people are NOT happy.
Part of the problem is biological. You may have heard of the Flight or Fight response. Essentially, it is an automatic survival mechanism that is triggered by a part of our brain called the Amygdala. We want this part of the brain to work when, for example, we are out walking through a field and we hear or see a snake ahead of us… we want our automatic brain to take over without having to analyse the situation for longer than a second or two.
The problem is that this part of our brain (the Amygdala) cannot distinguish between ACTUAL danger and IMAGINED danger. This means that if we perceive danger in the unknown, we will spend a lot of time in a version of the flight, fight or freeze response. Not great if we want to be moving forward heading in the direction of our dreams!
Imagined fears can include things like; fear of failure, fear of what MIGHT happen “if”, fear of not being good enough… I find it amusing that the biological circuit that once saved us (and still does to an extent) is also what can hold us back today.
If we don’t know how to bypass this neurological system we can become stuck – constantly reacting to perceived or imagined dangers. This is exhausting. Over time, the more we react to these perceived dangers, the less we listen to other parts of us that could make us happy. How limiting do you think this is?!
How can we DO something about this? Considering we can’t get rid of this part of our brain…
Short answer; Yes. Here’s how…
The Neocortex which is the place of rational and logical thought. The place of higher order brain functions like sensory perception, language and conscious thought.
The Amygdala and Neocortex parts of the brain cannot fire off at the same time. Knowing this, we have an advantage. If you focus your thoughts on Appreciation or Gratitude (Neocortex), you cannot experience fear (Amygdala). It is impossible because both these parts of the brain cannot work at the same time.
Pretty awesome right?
A few questions to consider when you feel stuck in a state of perceived fear;
- Is this real?
- Is this a problem your having right now or is it a problem you’re ‘planning’ for?
- What can I appreciate in this moment?
- What am I grateful for about this situation?
The consistent practice of Gratitude and Appreciation will, over time, lead to a reduction in the automatic response to our perceived fears.
This is the number #1 rule for Happiness…. Focus on gratitude and appreciation on a daily basis – you may choose to create a routine like a gratitude journal or meditation. Happiness is simply neural pathways that are created and developed over time.
Happy people participate in their own future. They play an active role in the life they are creating.
Happiness is also about perspective. Unhappy people tend to see the world as absolutes – black or white, right or wrong. Their life is often rigid and have LOTS of rules. Whereas, happy people tend to understand that life is many shades of grey.
Unhappy people spend way to much time thinking about themselves. Happy people tend to focus on what they can give to others.
Finally, remember that Happiness is an internal experience. It cannot be fulfilled with external ‘things’ like a new house, car, partner etc. If you find yourself saying things like: “I’ll be happy when….” or “I’ve just gotta get through ……, then I’ll be happy”… No. It doesn’t work like that. If you’re not happy where you’re at, changing the external is rarely the answer to true happiness.
I’d love to hear your thoughts!